Despite having starred for club and country, becoming a captain on Question of Sport and even performing a Moana-themed dance on Strictly, one thing ranks top of rugby star Ugo Monye’s life experiences.
This is my greatest achievement, becoming a father.
Ugo is dad to two girls, Phoenix aged 5 and Ruby, 2. He describes himself as a ‘proud girl dad’, which has inspired him to take up his new role as an ambassador for Tiny Happy People.
We caught up with Ugo ahead of filming the new series of Question of Sport, to talk about life as a dad.
Understanding a dad’s role
While he always knew what was asked of him out on the pitch, Ugo says the role of dad wasn’t straightforward at first, particularly in pregnancy.
Speaking of the period when his wife was pregnant with his first child Phoenix, Ugo talks about feeling like an 'active bystander'. “You can't do anything. You've got a lot of professionals around who are amazing. And you're reliant upon your wife to just do as much as she can, and for her body to react and respond, and you're just kind of there holding hands and giving positive messaging," he re.
In my rugby career, I don't think I found myself in a high-pressure environment where I was brought into a room or on to the pitch just for moral !
Now Ugo has a much clearer idea of the part he plays as a dad. “My role is to really their beliefs and visions,” he says.
As a ‘girl dad’, he hopes that the world is full of opportunity for his children’s generation, regardless of gender.
“I know, had my kids been born when I was born, their pathway to play rugby, the career I had, would have been vastly different. I wouldn't have achieved everything I achieved if I was female. Whether it be sports, finance, music, dance, whatever it is, I just want them to be able to employ their talents and skills.”
Ugo is struck by the enormous potential that children see before them as they experience the world for the first time.
“You know, no one's world is as big as a child’s,” he says, “Phoenix wanted to be a doctor when she saw everyone clap for the NHS during lockdown. She loved that idea of caring and looking after people. Then another night she turns and says to me ‘I want to be the fastest woman in the world!’”
As a parent, he wants to do everything he can to help them to achieve their goals, whatever they may be.
“At their age they think really big because no one has said to them ‘Oh, no, you can't do that.’”
However, this isn’t to say that he is pushing his children to try and be the best in everything they do. “I just want them to be kind, caring, fun, loving, lovable and all the things I'm sure any parent wants for their kids,” he says.
Knowing what’s important
Ugo was brought up in a household with two brothers and two sisters and his parents separated just before he reached his teenage years.
“We had a single mum with five kids, that's difficult. But you can try and take control of things that don't actually cost any money. Having a nice healthy environment at home doesn't cost any money. Loving your kids and being as present as you can doesn't cost money.”
He’s inspired by the sacrifices his mum made to help him and his siblings.
“Watching how hard my mum worked… my mum didn't have a lot. But my word, she did a lot with a little. She was incredible.”
He likens it to what he sees as the most valuable elements of a good rugby player.
“It takes no talent to make a tackle and get back up on your feet as quickly as possible. It doesn't take any talent to chase a kick as quickly as you can. It’s about attitude. The people who matter most, your teammates, respect those things more than anything. And I see that as relatable in of being a parent.
I think the things that kids appreciate the most are things that don't require money and talent, they just require you. They just require you being present, being around.
This ethos inspired Ugo to take up his new role for Tiny Happy People with all of its free, simple activities that parents can do to help their children’s development.
“I think it's really important to make information and education accessible to as many parents as possible,” he says.
“Tiny Happy People is a place where you can share experiences, as well as pick up some simple, easy guidance and activities.”
Developing personalities
Ugo is taken aback by the different personalities his two girls have developed at such a young age.
“Phoenix loves learning, she loves her hair really neat and tidy and is always impeccably dressed. And then you have Ruby, who's my spirit animal – slightly more mischievous, a bit more independent. It's fascinating to see two kids, with the same Mum and Dad, just a couple of years apart, who are really different characters. But I love their energies. I love them for their differences.”
At two, Ruby can enjoy a range of Tiny Happy People’s activities for toddlers as both her language skills and physical abilities grow.
“Ruby’s so active. She's not one for sitting still. So whether that's in the garden, playing football, playing catch, going down to the park, soft play - she's relentless with her energy.”
Getting out and about is great for children to learn words for the things they see, hear and play with in the wider world. Ruby is also at an age where she can fully enjoy the sensory fun of crafty activities too.
“Ruby loves arts and crafts. She's definitely more of a Picasso, like, quite abstract in her painting. But she's a lot more creative than her dad is.”
Life as a parent
Having children has caused a shift in Ugo’s priorities.
Sportspeople are quite selfish – you want to play for England, to be winning trophies – everything is centred around you, isn't it? And the word selfish can have negative connotations. But as a sportsperson, it's normal. When you become a dad though, it's actually not about you at all.
Ugo’s advice for dads is simple, but important.
“Talk,” he says with an emphatic pause. “I don’t know what it is men, but we just aren’t very good at talking.”
He stresses the need for dads to build a bubble, even if nobody has all of the answers to problems they might be experiencing.
“There is no manual for these things,” he says, “but having a network of people just to talk to is good. Just to be able to offload how you're feeling - the night you've just had, how you're finding it difficult balancing work and being a dad.”
Whatever you’re struggling with, talking is key to understanding the shared experiences parents have.
Everyone has their own unique story, but actually when you talk to different parents there are a lot of similarities that run right throughout.
He also feels that parents have a shared mission when it comes to raising our kids.
“Education starts at home. Our kids are going to be the citizens of the next generation - what do we want our communities and our world leaders to look like? We have the ability and capacity to help shape that in a positive way. What they see, hear and feel - that's who they become. I think it's important that we as parents are really aware of that responsibility.”
Catch the new series of Question of Sport on Friday nights at 8pm on BBC One or on BBC iPlayer.
